I got to see Gloria Steinem speak several months ago at an event for the Texas Council on Family Violence. She is incredible, inspiring, and - not that it matters, but - supremely fucking gorgeous.
I’m back! I’m super jet-lagged! We leave again on Friday!
It’s our second wedding anniversary!
I am bogged down in laundry, sleep depravation, and trying to get photos from the last four weeks uploaded, culled and edited. I’ll get pictures here soon, I swear.
As we didn’t exactly have steady wi-fi for the duration of our travels (other than the mi-fi David purchased from Vodaphone in Speyer) I attempted to keep a travel journal instead of posting here. I didn’t write daily, but wrote a hell of a lot more than I normally do. Hopefully I’ll type some entries up as I get corresponding pictures ready. In the meantime though, Maui.
I did a barre class this morning and a yoga class this evening and I didn’t die.
Now I just have to do laundry, pack, pay all the bills, clean the house, water the plants, get the photos from the weekend off my camera, pack, charge all my devices and download t.v. episodes for my iPad and I’ll be ready to go to Europe!
On Tuesday night, a crazy thing happened.
I did hot yoga. And I loved it.
I never would have imagined I would do hot yoga. I don’t do well in heat. I get angry. Like, mean angry. David told me after the class that he was sure I was going to snap at the instructor and storm out halfway through. But I didn’t.
I started the class terrified. We walked in and it was hot - duh. Everyone was laying dry mats on their yoga mats and lying down and looking like they knew what they were doing, making me feel very out of place. Fortunately David had rented us towels, but the fact that they had towels for rent scared me. As the instuctor came into the class and started trying to get us into the mindset, my phone rang. I had forgotten to put it on vibrate. I became my own most-hated person. But then. I forced myself to calm down. I laughed it off. The most mortifying thing that was going to happen was already out of the way! The rest of the class was incredible.
She started the class with a quote from Buddha, “What you are is a product of your thoughts.” Exactly the mantra I needed that day (and most days).
It was hot. In the beginning, it was uncomfortable. But as we began to move, the heat became less of a nuisance and more of a gentle distraction, keeping me from focusing on the pain, or my shortcomings, or all I had yet to accomplish, or how I measured up to everyone around me. I was absolutely drenched in sweat. It was pouring off my face in comical amounts. In down dog, it went up my nose. In warrior, I could see lakes of it on my arms. Instead of feeling disgusting, though, I felt clean. And strong.
And then. Then I did crow pose. I mean, actually did crow pose. I lifted my feet up to test it out, then lifted them higher, then brought my heels together, and stayed there until she gently brought us out of it. David said when he looked over he almost shit his pants. I almost did, too. I haven’t been able to do arm balances since I was probably 10 years old and in gymnastics. Part of it is because it’s a lot harder to support the weight of an adult woman than it is a girl, part of it is lack of upper body strength I’ve always struggled with, but I think a bigger part of it had been lack of confidence. I have tried doing crow pose in the past, but every time I don’t feel grounded enough, don’t feel strong enough. But this time, with sweat forming a puddle beneath my face, I didn’t even think about all of the qualities I lack. I just did it.
“What you are is a product of your thoughts.” Almost more important than focusing on good ones is banishing bad ones. Hot yoga helped me do that.
So I’m going back tonight.